I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
