We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
