I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
