forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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