No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The best revenge is premature balding
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i think my cat just said my name.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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