Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
