idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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