Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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