Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
