I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
