its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
