handjob tips. give me some.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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