oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
