You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
