My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
