420 ftw
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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