Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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