tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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