Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
