i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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