I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
