I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
