Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
