You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
