White coat. Heels.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
