If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
