are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
