dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
