We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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