So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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