they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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