Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
