I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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