I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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