allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
