Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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