My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
