So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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