I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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