he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
