AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
