i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
