this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
