he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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