if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just threw up on my dentist
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We are all done wearing pants today
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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