I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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