We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
