I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
