I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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