Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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